Everyone deserves a home
Bali, Capetown, San Francisco, …, Beirut
I met her once on April 13, 2011, for a project. Social media suggested her posts as of a year or so ago. A mutual friend got us back together. We met at 7 a.m. at Starbucks in downtown Beirut on a beautiful Saturday morning. Dressed for a workout, she stepped out of a cab. Her big smile walked towards me, and "Good morning," she said.
After a 10-year career in the corporate world and before turning 35, she decided to return home. March 4, it was. She returned during interesting times: The Thawra (revolution), the Lebanese economic meltdown, the COVID lockdown, the Beirut apocalyptic blast, and other family challenges. She was listening. The universe told her that she was exactly where she should be at this time.
She came back. Home. To her room.
Her ten-year adventure brought her plenty: success, life lessons, beautiful encounters, and travels. Most importantly, she learned to manage separation and embrace loneliness. This Lebanese woman from a middle-class family of modestly-educated parents left home at 25 with something to prove. It took her 10 years to say:
“I am enough.”
She has nothing to prove to anyone or to herself. Life's a journey. Just when you think you are healed, something new happens. You start over. The climb gets steep, yet it can be enjoyable. Sweet and sour. Difficult and easy. Work and play. She embraces all.
Separation
Being away taught her to manage the separation she had endured when she was little. A scar that she still lives with. Leaving home over 10 years ago was like ripping a bandaid off an unhealed wound. She felt it was the harshest thing she's ever done to herself.
As for the reason behind why she feels that way, I will leave that for another story.
She would worry about how to keep in touch with those she loves. Will they remember the little things? Will they forget? Will her friendships be disrupted due to distance? Will she change? What will happen to that little corner coffee place she used to go to? Will people evolve the way she would? Will things stay the same? Something inside your gut aches when you separate from the people you love and the places you know. To cope, she would do small things to remember and feel connected. Recreating the smell of coffee in the mornings wherever she is in the world became a homey habit.
With the parents again
It's been six months since she returned home with her parents. She doesn't need to see them every day or have breakfast, lunch, and dinner together. Coming back, for Jo, doesn't mean reverting to her old childhood habits.
Being home provides her with security and safety. It's an immense feeling that you're in a safe space. To be well or not, to be working or not, to sleep, to play, it doesn't matter. It's a judgment-free, welcoming, and genuinely unconditional space. A space you would experience the deepest when you separate. A space that behaves like the people who inhabit it.
"And it makes me think. Would I be able to build a home like this one? With unconditional love?"
She knows her parents gifted her with such ease and humanity, this undervalued treasure. Jo wishes unconditional love to everyone. Love impacts your brain, your gut, your body, your mind, and your heart. Love is powerful.
"I know the power of love. I've been loved judgment-free and unconditionally. When you're loved, you have nothing to prove. You are enough on your own. No makeup."
All the credit goes to her parents and their two strong traits: they accept and evolve. They are humble and aware of what they know and what they don't. Today's version of them is far better than the one 20 years ago, 10 years ago, and 5 years ago.
"It's like they are completely different people, as individuals and as a couple."
What was subject to an argument is now hugged with acceptance. The parent-child relationship has evolved to occasional role-switching. What used to be accusatory now is inquisitive. Evolving minimizes disputes to reduce apologies for the sake of harmony. The parenting she knows asks what's suitable for my children before what's right for me, even if it feels uneasy. What's right for the other is good for all.
Her bedroom
A wall in her bedroom with postcards from her travels that tell many a story
Her bedroom evolved and has been decorated multiple times over the years. She's a minimalist with a few shoes, bags, clothes, one bed, the spinning carousel that gets her to dream, a globe, and countless books. She sorts her books and redecorates her room for a potential visit from her niece or maybe when she has a child of her own. She wants all children to grow up in a book-abundant environment.
Traveling around the world as a learning experience. Exploring inside oneself takes a different kind of courage
Her unique bond with books goes back to her childhood; she fondly remembers the teacher who instigated her reading. She still keeps the children's books and the more philosophical ones. Reading and writing are constants in her life. During the 1988 period of foreign occupation, she spent time alone or with her sister reading, playing the piano, and working out.
The childhood carousel on her shelf
When she has to be in a city that doesn't resemble her, she immerses herself in a book to self-develop and nurture her identity.
Bali, Capetown, and San Francisco
The three cities that dance with her soul shaped her personality.
Jo in Bali
Bali, the ease and joy of living. The place to connect with nature. Its humble, kind, and generous people make the place. A cradle of meditation and yoga. The epicenter of the four-hands-dance massage. The island is the right kind of dreamy to her taste and has been a God-sent vacation from the corporate world.
I’m curious about the four-hands-massage. Aren’t you?
In Capetown, nature meshes with the urban city. It gives you the feeling of being on vacation, even when working. Despite the challenges of security, water issues, power, discrimination, and alienation, she still has a soft spot for the country. She appreciates the anthropological diversity, the great food, and the best pink gin on the globe.
In South Africa, she discovered wealth in differences
San Francisco speaks her language and has her traits to accept others regardless of gender, race, or sexual orientation. She's been there many times, and the city never ceases to amaze her. She loves art and learns something new by merely walking its streets.
“Even the wind brings something to me. It resembles me a lot.”
Sausalito- San Francisco, the city of freedom, arts and winds
Her giggle was uncontrollable when talking about the city.
Partner in life
She draws her fulfillment from within. Dreams, projects, and aspirations are not the source of her completion. It's the same when settling with a partner, the uncommon kind, with whom she will build a sustainable and value-based partnership. A partnership is based on affection, acceptance, respect, trust, deeds, and love. The unconditional kind. The one she grew up with.
Our conversation took some long pauses. Not the uncomfortable kind. The dreamy-dig-deeper-to-find-the-naked-feeling-the-best-word kind.
What do you tell people moving back home?
Cultivate compassion towards your parents. Take time to step back and think about why they are doing what they're doing. It's probably driven by love. Accordingly, decide what you have to do.
If you're inclined to pick an argument and say no all the time, listen instead. Explain why you're doing what you're doing, and do it anyway. They will understand. They love you.
Talk to someone who has lost a parent. You will realize the value of spending time with your parents as an adult. Seize the moment. Every moment.
Every day, choose to do one thing for them. Watch the news or their favorite TV series, and have one meal or coffee in the afternoon with them.
Don't hold them responsible for all the ills the world has passed on to your generation or you personally. It's unfair, especially at the family level. Putting things in context, every parent did his or her best.
From her childhood bedroom, she left and roamed the world for ten years to return to the same place. In the meantime, she's happily tidying up the room again, spinning her dream carousel, and eyeing her next adventure on the 3D globe sitting by her books.
"Do you need a ride home," I asked as we departed. "No thanks. I'd like to walk up to Achrafieh, sit in this one cafe on the way, and journal."
Starbucks drink: Tall Americano. Weekend indulgence: Tall Mocha Frappuccino.
You can reach Joanna AJ on Facebook, LinkedIn, and Instagram.
Jo’s additional snippets during our conversation
Listen to the universe. It's easy. Plot the bad incidents in your life. Someone is trying to tell you something. In the future, steer away.
When people say "take care," she says, "take care [of your heart]."
There's a difference between being lonely and being alone. Be alone. Manage the state of being lonely. Do something. Move, read, see friends, or people-watch.
If you have a story, tell it. If you can inspire one person in this world, do it.
Remember yourself as a child. Make sure she's still there.