From a corporate desk to her children’s
More time with the family
She raised one daughter in an apartment on the west side of the Lebanese Green Line. During the civil strife, leftist militias did as much action in their building as they did in the neighborhood. She was a rebel and an activist, yet she still managed to be the conservative mother she was supposed to play.
Maybe she missed her calling. She wanted to become a doctor. One early morning at the age of 14, sitting with her mother on the balcony, she saw a man wobbling down the street with his hands on his chest. He collapsed. She ran out of the apartment, hopped three stairs at a time, and reached him in seconds. Having seen the knife stuck out of his chest, she ran back, brought loads of ice cubes, wrapped them in a cloth, and cooled off the blade and the wound. Neighbors called for medics, the police praised her, and the man was saved. Reading articles in the "Tabib" [Doctor] magazine probably saved this one man's life. The girl who wanted to become a doctor ended up a school teacher. Until the day she retired, she taught physical education in many schools, always in her sports outfit, the whistle, and the hijab, way before it was a trend.
She was 16 when she fell in love with the 20-year-old boy and only got married 10 years later. She was a tough woman and very active during the war. She would do civil defense, blood donations, and more.
The late Teta (grandmother) and ever-supporting Jedo (grandfather)
The young girl who grew up in the '60s sipping coffee with her mother on their Beirut apartment's balcony married and gave birth to Lama. This little girl became a professional and a mother of three.
Lama shared with me, around a coffee table, reflections from her life. Mama had a significant impact on Lama.
Growing up
She was raised in a conservative and protective Beiruti household. She was sent to Collège du Carmel Saint Joseph for schooling. She did school activities. Going out socially with her friends was not encouraged. No clubbing. Late at night, BK was a challenge to pull off.
People started approaching her parents to ask for her hand in marriage as early as her junior year in college. It was expected that you would get married as soon as you graduated from university. For five years, people pursued her. "We saw your daughter. We want to visit you for a cup of coffee," they would say. She would cry. The last thing she wanted was to get married at the time. All her friends were out at the movies. She perfected her methods of acting scary, silly, and obnoxious to turn all suitors away.
She wanted to live, have fun, work a little, and meet people on her terms. Attending the American University of Beirut was a life-changing experience. She did some studying between her extracurriculars: photography club, university life, and the yearbook committee, to name a few. She met people and changed a lot. Her best friends are still the ones she met at AUB. The ones she would spend most of her time laughing and having fun with when her parents thought she was at the library.
Lama (center) with AUB friends.
Today, she's funny, loud, full of life, and very comfortable in her skin. She makes fun of herself and sometimes of the people close to her. Lama doesn't drink, yet she's on a natural high, full of energy, dedication, and a genuine love for people. She's become a successful professional with empathy and mature leadership skills.
The home she did not want
She used to hate the floor below the apartment she grew up in. During the war, thieves, fighters, and shady characters slept there. The apartment had been abandoned for 30 years. She met Toufic and got engaged. While preparing to get married, they looked for a place to make their home.
Coming down from her place, Toufic pointed and "Lama. This is an empty apartment. Let's check it out." She started crying and refused to set foot in there. She had heard that people were killed there. He convinced her to take a look at the all-broken-down, graffiti-filled, dirty, abandoned, and lifeless apartment. She cried in the middle of the place. At 25, she was torn between becoming independent, having her own life, and staying close to her parents.
Toufic told her, "You're an only daughter; your parents will need you one day." They ended up buying it and turning old scary memories into a warm, fun-filled home with laughing walls. Her dad, the engineer, was instrumental in making it happen. From their savings, they built it wall by wall, cabinet by cabinet, fixtures, paint, and kitchen.
This apartment was sought after by many people in the neighborhood. Toufic found the original owner and made sure to seal a deal.
“In the beginning, I didn’t want it. God’s wisdom works in mysterious ways.”
Today, her dad spends most of his time with them. His commute is one floor down. His daughter and her family are his oxygen.
The family she’s raising
“My mom passed away four years ago, and everything changed since.”
Life got more demanding with three children and a father to care for. When her mother would take care of all the cooking for years, now it's Lama's turn to feed everybody. She loves the 'everybody' concept. Growing up as an only child, she wanted children. Lots of them. She's living a mother's life and a child's life with many siblings. Toufic would catch her playing and screaming her lungs out while jumping on the bed with her children.
Her ever-supporting mother fought lung cancer until the last minute. In turn, Lama was no less a hero to her mother, father, Toufic, and kids. She stayed at her mom's side until her last breath while doing her best to take care of everyone else and still fulfill her work obligations. She had promised herself to keep her mom laughing until the last day of her life. And she did. She clowned around for her, carried her, hugged her, walked, and danced with her. They knew the inevitable was coming, but none explicitly addressed it.
Lama and Toufic raised a beautiful family of two boys and one girl. It did not come easy, as she had two agonizing miscarriages in the process.
She laughs and tells me that her spreadsheet experience and deep research got her a girl at the end.
Toufic and the four rascals
“I have three. If you ask me whether I’d have another one, I would.*”
* footnote in 6-point font: Conditions apply.
And the break she needs
Lama feels she deserves some rest time as she's been through a lot in the past 10 years. She resigned from work and spent more time with her children, father, and husband. It will be an adjustment after 18 years of an 8–5 corporate schedule. She will miss her colleagues, the friendships, the camaraderie, and the occasional outings with them.
Maybe not the outings. I'm sure she can squeeze a few in her schedule for them.
She wants to use this time to find meaning in a new professional adventure. She wants to finish her CFA certification, which she put on hold when her mom got sick.
In the meantime, the family is a top priority. She wants to give time to her children. Play with them hide and seek, jump on beds, and shoot football in the neighborhood with her kids and all the other kids entrusted to her.
She wants to walk on her dad while he's listening to his music, looking at her picture, and talking to his late wife. She wants to absorb those moments between her father and Toufic — the son he never had. She wants to coordinate the boys' sleepovers at their grandfather's. She wants to plan more family outings.
While Lama tells me that she's seeking me-time, in reality, she wants to make it up to her children and Toufic for the time she was entirely dedicated to her ailing mother. The me-time will follow.
This lockdown has been a blessing. She's been happy, and the family has been happy, too. Today, she plans outings and helps her children with their online learning. She's content, and she doesn't care about being rich. She just wants peace of mind. One car at home is plenty, the one she shares with Toufic.
She's sad for Lebanon. She's sad for Beirut. The country is not the same. It will change, but it will not happen overnight. We only live once. She doesn't want her kids to go through this again. She's lived what she calls the fake peace. She wants the real one. Her dream home is a little house with a small garden.
Mom would be proud
The people who love us don't leave us. They send us support in many ways. When her mom was a young girl, she used to round up her friends in the neighborhood to sweep the streets clean. Lama is working with the local scouts to distribute aid to over 50 families. And she's a good cook now!
Um-Lama (mother of Lama) has done so much good in her life that her deeds still give back. For example, Ammo Abou Othman, the khodarji (the neighborhood's little store owner), would call on Lama with his signature "Qu'est qu'il y a?" to help her with her groceries. He'd put aside 5 kgs of his special pickling cucumbers for her. When the proper harvest of grains reaches his store, he makes the right assortments of lentils, fava beans, burghul, and the like to stock her pantry. Ammo Abou Othman, who took grocery lists from her mom, is now continuing his mission.
“After my mom died, he would say: ‘Where are you? You disappeared. Take this. This is so and so for this season. Now, you need to buy this.’ He’s great. You can’t find him anywhere in the whole of Lebanon. I love people. I love Beirut.”
Sassy, funny and thoughtful