The man who had to play mom
techpreneur, father, warrior
A ball of fire. A bull at work. A big teddy bear at home. I met him through a common friend in Baskinta — a beautiful village in Mount Lebanon. Anthony encouraged me to have a coffee with the man. Fady has a story. A few weeks later, we met at Starbucks. It was early afternoon, and he had not eaten lunch. A croissant did the job. Coffee kept him up.
His life changed
After two minutes of small talk, he told me he had a significant change in his family. He became a mom and dad overnight. His wife of 15 years had passed away 39 days prior, leaving him with his 13 and 6-year-old daughters. The light-hearted, successful, shy interior architect left him.
He has always been present for his children as a father. He knew nothing about filling his wife's shoes, his daughters' mother. He knows that
“you can never have enough motherhood.”
Now, he has to help them put their clothes on and buy girl stuff, including new clothes. What does he tell his oldest when she asks to put on plastic fingernails? He was always the more conservative one. What does he do when she starts to see boys? How does he answer their uncomfortable questions? Their mom would have been a natural at it. Too many decisions. Even though Mama had been battling cancer for about a year, her leaving was too quick, too soon.
He's cleaning, washing dishes, sweeping the floors, dusting, and planning the bath schedule. Three times a week. Do we alternate Fridays and Saturdays? What did Mama do?
He's almost done with the house he had planned with his wife. He wants to move his daughters to the new place as soon as possible. On top of the Lebanese revolution, COVID-19, the economic crash, and the political meltdown, he still had his work to worry about.
A big fight back. A quick health decline.
They discovered her advanced-stage cancer in August 2019, with one and a half to five years to live. It took a week to have the news sink in. She accepted the fact and told him: "I want to fight it." Even though her medical file was accepted in several hospitals outside Lebanon with an increased chance of survival, the catastrophic conditions in Lebanon and their impact on everyone's livelihood prevented them from leaving. A couple of weeks later, she reiterates: "I will fight in Lebanon."
Alternating between a week at the hospital and another one at home gave the family a healthier mother to spend Christmas with. It was to be their last Christmas together. They drove around Lebanon and visited all over.
In April 2020, she insisted on going back for a scan. The cancer had come back. The preparation for her leaving had started between them, in direct conversation and many other ways. She wanted to make sure that he got along with the little one. She talked to her children and discussed what would happen if she died or if she stayed alive. She prepared them. She prepared him.
“Continue with your life. Finish our house. Go. Meet someone.”
She broke down and cried when she knew she had a month and a half at most.
At Starbucks, with so many people around chatting, laughing, and arguing, he could not hold the lump in his throat nor the tears in his eyes. Neither could I.
"We don't want to cry, whether it's one and a half months or one and a half years. We want to continue," he told her. He did not want to give up.
They found another treatment in Lebanon. Coming back from the doctor's appointment, they cheated the Aug 4 Beirut explosion by taking another route home. Her operation was delayed by three weeks. She did it anyway and got another 5-week bonus with her family.
In her last moments, when she went into a coma on her bed in the hospital, he got his two daughters to pray with and for her. "It was okay to cry," he told them. A few minutes later, they kissed their mom goodbye on the forehead. They left the room and waited for Dad with the psychologist in another area.
“When you live with an angel, there is no perfect moment. All moments are perfect.”
And then the angel left.
Moving on
His 13-year-old wants to go to MIT. She loves to work with robots. The younger one takes after her mother in the arts. He has a huge house that he's finishing in the middle of this whole turmoil. It's so big that he could turn part of it into an Airbnb on the Lebanon Mountain Trail. Who knows.
And what about him?
He's always been techy and very entrepreneurial. It took him years and three universities to graduate with an undergrad degree. He's creative and a doer with a low tolerance for slow systems. As a young kid, he wanted to become a pilot.
It's never too late; he might get back at it.
Until he figured out what excited him, he started his first business as a cell phone store. In 1996, he got into the internet business when it hit Lebanon. His astronomical phone bills used for dial-up internet service proved his passion. This early adopter took online courses in finance and e-banking through a university in Canada when he discovered the power of data. He loves data. Big data. He's a hound for finding it, loves collecting it, and gets excited when analyzing it.
As a university project, he built his village's website. He bought dozens of books, learned how to build websites, and did it. Business came out of it as he started making money building websites for clients. He also started a DVD rental business, just like how Netflix began. He's been in several businesses, serving clients in Lebanon and the world. He's had many successes and some failures. All in high tech. Today, he's back to developing solutions and collecting data. Today, he takes pride in being a digital marketer.
Fady’s little big pearls of wisdom
Life is like ice cream. Enjoy it before it melts.
When you admit you succeeded, it is the time you acknowledge that you failed.
Some people wait for you to fall.
Try your best to keep a smile on your face.
Share your wealth while alive.
Enjoy other people's success. If they're happy, you're happy.
For a friend who has everything, gift him respect.
For the lover who has everything, love them more.
Throw a surprise birthday party for someone.
